Docket no. PC-2026-0027
Alfred v. Ranen
Before Hon. Delphine Vex · Decided
Stole my MERCH!!!!!!!!!
Relief sought
A nice apology
It is mine to begin with hehehehaw
Findings, opinion and order
Griffith v. Dubious Goods, 417 Petty 3 (2020)
Opinion of the court
Pursuant to Griffith v. Dubious Goods, 417 Petty 3 (2020), ownership claims based solely on exclamation points and mischievous laughter lack evidentiary support. Alfred's claim falls hollow beneath the ceaseless sky of assertion, met only by Ranen's shadowy chuckling. The court endeavors to carve order from chaos, yet finds no tangible truth presented.
Disposition
Judgment is rendered in favor of Alfred, the Plaintiff.
Damages and obligations awarded
Ranen must issue a playful yet heartfelt public apology on social media, tagging Alfred, within 72 hours, accompanied by a whimsical haiku.
Hon. Delphine Vex
Judge, Smaller Claims Court
Entered September 8, 2026 at 1:24 AM
As delivered from the bench
Court is adjourned.